It was birthday time again for little Eva! And although it may look like it was a happy occasion, I was not happy. I was upset about her getting older, me getting older, and the fact I still hadn’t managed to tell anyone the truth. I hated myself every day for it, and now it was starting to interfere with events in my life that should have been fun and happy times. As Eva blew out her candles I made my own wish. A wish I was going to make sure came true by finally coming clean about what happened between me and Cyrus.
The next morning it was time. Marc had the day off work, so it seemed like the best time I was going to get. I found him in the kitchen making coffee, I walked up behind him and said, “Marc, we really need to talk.” he looked at me a little confused at first, but then smiled at me with that loving smile. I almost couldn’t do it! “Sure, what’s on your mind?” Marc replied cheerfully.” I sighed and then took a deep breath, well here goes nothing.
I spilled it all to him, the skinny dipping while drunk, going over to apologize, him making the first move, the threat if I was to tell anyone. It all felt like a dream until I looked up and saw his hurt expression. “Marc, are you ok?” I asked sheepishly. What a stupid question, of course he wasn’t ok, what person would be ok when you admit to sleeping with someone else and having their baby! I grew nervous waiting for him to speak, I knew he was probably trying to soak it all it, but the suspense was killing me.
Finally when he did speak he began crying, “I can’t believe you Denise! How could you keep such a thing from me for so long?! I just don’t even know what to say.” he held his hand up between us, I figured he didn’t want me to see him crying, but more than likely he just didn’t want to see my face. “I’m going to need time to think, and I won’t be able to do it as long as I’m here. So for now, I’m leaving.” Marc spit the words out in such a harsh way I almost didn’t recognize him.
“What do you mean? Where are you going to go Marc?” I asked. “I don’t know Denise, I guess my partners house, he has an extra bedroom.” he paused and then said, “I just don’t know if I can continue this relationship. I need time to think, alone. It may be best for you too, that way you can figure out what you want.” I didn’t argue although I wanted to tell him I knew what I wanted–him! Us, our family! I just wanted us to go back to the way we were, but I knew that would never happen. “Well, for what it’s worth I’m really sorry Marc.” I said looking down at the floor. He didn’t reply to my apology, just pushed my aside and took out his phone. My emotions were causing me to feel physically sick so I decided to step out on the porch. I still managed to hear him in there on the phone. I couldn’t believe he was actually going to leave me and the kids here, alone. Well ok, my Mom and brother are here, but without him my family just didn’t feel complete. It was at that moment I realized how important he really was. I had hoped the fresh air would make my stomach feel better but almost immediately I was running back inside to vomit. I hadn’t eaten but still found myself puking up what seemed to be everything I had ever eaten in my entire life. I hadn’t even been this sick while I was pregnant! I know I spent a good hour in that bathroom. In fact when I came out, he was gone.
I called my sister and asked if she would come over. I was crying a little and she seemed concerned, so of course she accepted. I really hope she takes the news better than Marc. I really could use her support with all this. While I waited I talked to my Mom about what had happened. She wasn’t upset with me thank goodness, in fact she seemed like she already knew!!
I asked Mom to help me out by talking to Eva about what was going on. The only thing was we both agreed she should still see Marc as her father at this point. So Mom just explained that “Mommy and Daddy are having a little argument and need to be apart for a little while.” She seemed a little upset but my Mom had a way with her that made everything better. In fact she told her she’d take her out for ice cream to get her mind off it.
Just as she left, Danielle arrived. I ran outside to meet her and before she really had a chance to say anything I had spilled the same story that I had just told Marc to her. It seemed harder the second time around, maybe because I saw how much it upset Marc and I just didn’t want to do that to another person I loved. Danielle surprised me though and seemed incredibly calm for someone who just found out their husband and sister slept together!
“Oh Denise, I already know!” Danielle replied when I finally shut my mouth. “Y-you do?” I asked. “Of course I do! When you found out you were pregnant Cyrus came to me and we talked it over. I was a little upset at first, but I got over it. I didn’t tell you I knew because I wasn’t sure if you had told Marc, now I know you have.” she answered. I was completely stunned. All this time and she already knew! This made me feel even worse about not telling Marc.
I then told her about how Marc moved out for now and I didn’t know what would happen in the long run. The whole reason I had waited so long was because of Cyrus threatening me! If I had just known, I could have told Marc and maybe this would have all turned out different. “Well Denise, I hope you guys can work it out. Just remember I’m not mad and I’m here if you need me!” Danielle said.
Then my sister wrapped her arms around me. It felt so good to have the truth out and at least have some support. It was at that moment I knew I had to do something to make sure Marc knew I loved him and wanted him around. “Thank you sissy, I feel much better now that we’ve talked.” I whispered to her. “No problem! If you need anything just call me! I love you Denise!” she said. “And I love you too Danielle, thanks!” I replied. Then I headed inside to take a nap and think about what I was going to do.
When I woke up from my nap I decided to do something I hadn’t in a long time, work out! I had gotten all my fat back from being pregnant twice and I felt pretty un-attractive. Plus working out was the one thing, besides music, that would clear my mind and give me some peace. The longer I worked out, the better I felt! I knew what I had to do to get my husband back. I was going to have to start fresh!
As I worked out I kept thinking about everything I was going to do to change myself into a better person. The kind of person Marc would want as his wife and mother to his children! First lose the baby fat, second MAKEOVER! New hair, new makeup, new clothes! It would be fantastic! My pink hair and makeup just wasn’t cutting it anymore now that I was approaching 30! Plus if I didn’t look like old Denise maybe he would be able to look past my indiscretion. At least I sure hope so, I don’t know if I could handle losing Marc forever.