The day of Dad’s memorial service was a sad one indeed. My mother kept clutching her chest and tearing up which made it harder for me to try to confront her about MY news. I really wanted to tell her first, but it didn’t look like I was going to have the opportunity any time soon. Plus I was scared of upsetting her more instead of making her happy like I intended. Just as I was about to sit down next to her at the fire pit something, or someone I guess I should say caught my eye. Cyrus. I knew he would probably be here but why wasn’t he with Danielle? She was in the house talking with the other guests while Mom and I were supposed to be finishing getting things ready out here! I got so frustrated seeing him I lost my nerve to talk to Mom. I began to feel faint again and decided to head inside. I couldn’t stand to be around him. All the old feelings I had returned whenever I did, but why? I loved Marc what was my problem!?As I waddled up to the house I could feel someone watching me. I tried to peak over my shoulder but couldn’t really see. I’m sure it was Cyrus though, I could feel his criticizing eyes burning into my gigantic backside as I climbed the stairs into the house. I was off to find his wife, my sister, Danielle. I still hadn’t seen her except right after Dad died and we didn’t talk about the events of my night where I had too much to drink. As I walked up to Danielle I felt this urge to spill my guts about what had happened between me and Cyrus. Then I thought about the consequences of what could happen if I was to do so. Would she beat me up? Hate me forever? And what about Cyrus he did threaten me if I told anyone! “Are you ok Denise?”, Danielle asked me. Being twins we were really close and she could tell better than anyone else something was bothering me and it wasn’t that I had lost my father. I swallowed hard and forced a smile on my face, “Danielle Marc and I are engaged!” I said taking a moment to catch my breath. “That’s wonderful!” Danielle exclaimed. “But that’s not the best part, we are having a baby!” I finished. “Wow! That’s so exciting! Cyrus and I are waiting to have a family, but I’m super excited to be an aunt!” Danielle exclaimed. I held a small conversation with my sister but before long I was trying to find an excuse to get away. I just felt too weird around her since she didn’t know the truth. The fact I could very well be carrying her husbands baby and not Marcs! The idea killed me a little inside each time I thought about it. While I was inside talking to my sister I had no idea Marc was outside talking to Cyrus. In fact he was dishing out the same information to him about me being pregnant and us being engaged. Apparently now I wasn’t the only one with thoughts running through my head about whose baby this could be. Afterall he was there that night and knows perfectly well we weren’t protected. Heck I hadn’t even planned on it taking that sort of turn so I certainly didn’t go prepared! Plus I don’t think you can protect yourself in a hot tub! I never did get to tell my Mom and the party had ended and after I finished cleaning she had already gone off to bed. I figured I would just tell her in the morning maybe over coffee but no sooner had I gotten in bed I felt like I peed myself. I turned to Marc who was just getting in bed himself and gave him a worried look. “Oh my gosh! It’s time isn’t it?!” he exclaimed jumping right back out of bed. And with that we were off to the hospital to have a baby! We arrived at the hospital just about 1am. I stopped when we got out of the car just staring at the hospital. It felt so surreal to be there already. I felt as if I had just really found out, and I hadn’t even told everyone and now it was time! Marc nudged me forward and we proceeded into the hospital where I got checked in and set up for the impending birth. I had no more time to worry about whose baby this was going to be, now I just needed to focus on getting him/her here! 4:32am and I left the hospital with my brand new baby girl! I was so happy I completely forgot about the “baby daddy” dilemma. I knew Marc would end up being her father no matter what genetics said anyway, so why even bother to find out? She was so precious in ever way. I just knew this was going to make my Mom’s day when she saw her!The taxi ride home was wonderful. I finally felt happy, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe things would work out in the end. I could only hope at this point. I still had a long road ahead of me but knowing this little girl would be along for the ride made it all seem not as scary as it had before. I knew one day I would have to come clean but that didn’t mean it had to be now, no, it could wait for sure. When I arrived home with Eva, well Marc had a surprise for me. I guess he had told my Mom for me and when I thought she had gone to bed she was really setting up the room for the new baby. It must have been her mothers intuition that new the baby was going to be a girl since she set the crib up in mine and Danielle’s old room. I snuggled and fed my new baby girl before I laid her down, still in awe she was really here. Then I laid her down and went to bed to get some rest myself. I was so lucky to have Marc. He stayed up with her while I got some much-needed rest. Labor had kicked my butt and I was so tired I almost felt as if I could sleep for a whole week. He tended to her every need almost like he’d been taking care of babies his whole life. I couldn’t wait to marry him and have more babies! Many more hopefully! I don’t know how he did it but he was absolutely amazing. He hadn’t gotten any sleep for at least 24 hours yet when I woke up he was still going strong and looked awake and refreshed as ever! I found out part of that was because he drank a whole pot of coffee while I was sleeping! Hopefully it would wear off soon for him and he could catch some sleep before he had to go back to work.
Mom seemed to welcome the distraction from Dads passing as everyone else did. In fact once the memorial service and the new baby was here you would think she didn’t miss Dad at all. I know I still did but I had a pretty close relationship with him growing up. I guess I should just be happy everyone was so excited about the new baby. I couldn’t tell yet if she was Marc’s or Cyrus’s but I was certainly hoping it wasn’t the latter.
I again turned to music to help me through, and playing my Dad’s guitar really helped heal my broken heart from his untimely death. I knew it would take time but the pieces of my life seemed like they were starting to work out. Marc and I decided to get married one year from Eva’s birth so we could dress her up as our little flower girl. I was so excited, I just couldn’t wait to see what the future held for us!